"We have two strategies for coping; the way of avoidance or the way of attention." - Marilyn Ferguson

Avoidance is one of the most common coping mechanisms for anxiety. When we know what makes us anxious - causes our hearts to race, our palms to sweat - why would we want to be near it? Why would we want to jeopardize our comfort? Or threaten our peace of mind? No thank you, I'll wait right here.

But let me be clear - avoidance isn’t all bad. Avoidance has a long history as a coping mechanism for danger. When we were living among large, dangerous, animals and hunting and gathering for ourselves, we needed a system to alert us of potential danger in order to survive! Does that animal look too threatening to approach? I better not. Do I know if that particular herb is poisonous? I better leave it alone. This warning system has evolved alongside us for many many years. This is where the "love" relationship with avoidance really shines. If avoiding things protects me from danger and uncomfortable feelings of anxiety and fear, then what could possibly be wrong?

Despite the benefits of avoidance for protection purposes, this behavioural tendency can actually work against us when we apply it to the wrong things - things that shouldn’t cause fear. In fact, avoidance is considered one of the most powerful factors that maintain anxiety. So, let’s take a closer look at the other side of the coin - why should we avoid avoidance instead of running into its arms?

Avoidance doesn't work like we think it does

Avoidance actually works to strengthen, and keep us stuck in, the cycle of anxiety. How does this work? When we are anxious about a future event, we notice the telltale signs of anxiety - heart rate increases, palms begin to sweat, we may feel nauseas, restless, and panicky. As humans, we will do almost anything to get rid of this uncomfortable experience - including avoiding the anxiety-inducing situation all together. When we do this, anxiety instantly decreases. Problem solved! Not quite - we may have found a short-term solution to our discomfort, however, lets consider how avoidance impacts our longterm experience with anxiety.

Avoidance holds us back

After repeated incidents of avoidance, we notice a shrinking of our social world. We may stop going to certain stores, stop going to the movie theatre, or spending time with friends. Each time we choose to avoid a situation due to anxiety, we give anxiety the strength to make decisions about how we live our lives - and it prefers that we stay inside our comfort zone, limiting new experiences and chances for growth. Anxiety tells us, “remember last time you went to the movie theatre and you had an anxiety attack? We better not go back there or else it’ll happen again.” And each time we listen, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to prove anxiety wrong! Once avoidance has squeezed us into a tiny box of familiarity and monotony, then it will have achieved its true purpose.

Avoidance teaches us that uncomfortable emotions are dangerous

We continuously teach ourselves and reinforce the idea that difficult feelings mean danger and are to be avoided at all costs. We start to develop a dreadful relationship with our emotions - fear, anger, sadness. But what’s important to remember is that these emotions are natural and despite our best efforts to avoid, suppress, or ignore, they remain present in our lives. What avoidance does instead, is deprive us from the opportunity to cultivate a compassionate and non-judgemental relationship with our emotions, and by extension, ourselves.

What happens when we say “no” to avoidance?

Making the decision to do something about avoidance is never easy. Avoidance is comfortable and familiar. Why would we want to put ourselves in anxiety-inducing situations when we can rely our tried-and-true avoidance to protect us from discomfort? There are several benefits of allowing ourselves to confront our anxieties.

Each time we decide to challenge, instead of avoid, we make things a little easier. We find out that perhaps our fears that held us back, were not as dreadful as anxiety led us to believe! We start to gain confidence in our ability to face future difficulties. Our brain begins to say, bit by bit, “remember last time you went to the movie theatre and you didn’t have an anxiety attack? Well next time you probably won’t either.” Each time we challenge, we strengthen our personal power.

Confronting our anxieties opens the doors to new and exciting experiences. New experiences are, by their very nature, exciting, scary, and sometimes pretty intimidating. By allowing the possibility of new experience, despite our feelings of anxiety, we open ourselves to self-growth, self-confidence, and self-love. We send ourselves the message that we’re worthy and capable - that despite how hard anxiety tries to squeeze us into a tiny box, something within us refuses to be restrained.

So what can we do?

Giving attention to our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours can be difficult, however, recognizing our avoidant behaviours is the first step towards confronting them. Have you noticed a tendency to avoid certain places? People? Emotions? It may help to reflect on your experience with avoidance at the end of each day, perhaps keeping a record or journal. Once you’ve become more comfortable with recognizing avoidance, you may create an action plan. An action plan may include choosing a support person, preparing relaxation techniques and anxiety coping mechanisms, and planning small, manageable steps towards exposing yourself to a difficult experience - whether it be having a short chat with a friend, visiting a busy store for a few minutes, or going for a brief walk outside!

It is important to remember that no step is too small, and that celebrating the small victories along the way gives us the confidence and motivation to move forward!

Valerie St-Gelais, MACP, C.C.C.

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